Thursday, August 13, 2015

Nine Freaky Reasons New Music Could Get You Fired

As a composer and sociologist, I have tracked trends in history that are associated with new music. As a composer of new music, I feel duty-bound to reveal these findings to the society at large because they are not all ‘tea and crumpets,’ as the British say. Even though new music is a good thing overall, its introduction into society can initially cause some upheaval. This begins on a personal level and can spread, as Plato so sagely warned. Therefore, in the spirit of fair play, I present the following list of ‘Nine Freaky Reasons New Music Could Get You Fired;’
  1.  If you work in a classified area of the government, being caught listening to new music will most certainly cause you to be reprogrammed and reassigned. If you are one of the guys who are in charge of ‘pushing the button,’ this most assuredly is true. The reason behind this is new music tends to deprogram the mind rather quickly; you might start to think life is worth living and no longer have any desire to push buttons.
  2. You might tell your boss to ‘take this job and shove it!’ This will usually get you fired pretty quickly.
  3. You might be caught smiling and dancing a lot and this will make your boss think you are on something.
  4. You might violate the dress code by growing your hair and wearing kaki safari suits to corporate meetings and saying things like ‘whatever,’ after the profit graphs are presented.
  5. Your boss might overhear you, as you stand in front of the pictures of your wife on your desk, saying; “Well, how did I get here? This is not my beautiful wife and this is not my beautiful house!”
  6. Your boss may fire you after you ask to take a year off to go ‘look for America.’
  7. Your boss may fire you after overhearing you tell a friend that you are ‘back on the chain gang.’
  8. Your boss might take exception to you not using the intercom system but instead singing out loudly; “Big boss man! Can’t you hear me when I call?”
  9. You could get caught, covertly sabotaging the sound system in the office elevator.

And there you have it; some of the risks involved with new music down through the ages. Be thankful that, in this day and age, you only get fired. Back in the dark ages, listening to new music could get you stoned or burned at the stake.

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